Gurus, Gimmicks, Or Good Ol' One-Foot-In-Front-Of-The-Other Running

Someone asked on the local running club bulletin board the other day if there were any coaches in the area who worked within a particular running program, because his (insert program name here) running needed work. Well, I knew what the program name had to do with outside the realm of running, but little else...so I did what any curious coach-type would do...a brief search on the internet. It did not surprise me much the program had a website, a book, & a couple of DVDs to offer the masses.

DISCLOSURE MOMENT FOLLOWS:

I'd be a bald-faced liar if I said I wouldn't do the same thing - market what (little) I've learned by selling a couple of training e-manuals, how-to e-guides, leading weekend web-based seminars, pay-for-video feeds, & so on (electronic coaching is much less expensive than postage & handling, right?). If you do it right you make a couple of bucks & ride the gravy train for as long as possible. When the train barely makes the last stop because you've run out of "coal," however, it's time to write a new(er) manual & re-market yourself. I looked briefly at the program's focus, it's underlying philosophy, & then saw the opportunity to become a program-certified coach posted on the front of the website. In many cases - this comes from the mouth of a person with a coaching certification - 85 cents & a coaching certificate will get you a cup of coffee at Denny's, if you can get the waitresses attention.

A great deal of what coaches learn which are of genuine value does not come as the result of a two-day or three-day sit-down or semi-hands-on seminar. It comes from a lot of trial and error. Even certified coaches can have a case of the stoopid, especially when it comes to their own training. Coaching doesn't occur in a vacuum, it includes observing how well or poorly an athlete reacts to a training plan, from asking questions of other coaches, & from doing a little bit of solitary research.

If you take the time to purchase the manuals from program coaches, make certain your b.s. detector is turned on. An essay by Steve Myrland, posted on traintoplay.com, titled Guru-ism and the Decline of Coaching, speaks volumes on this argument. Just because the manual was published doesn't mean the publishing company has a clue about exercise science, coaching, or what is going to make you a better athlete. It means someone at the publishing company thought, 'gee, we haven't put out a (insert sport here) training book in (insert time frame here).' Obviously, something different about the book (mental aspect, democratizing aspect, financial aspect, & so on) caught their attention.

Frankly, I have seen few books which were heavier on science/research than they were on fluff, because most athletes don't want to purchase a 700-page tome like Lore of Running, which includes training plans & the physiological research supporting them. At least one of the plans Timothy Noakes outlines within the book has developed an entire cult of personality behind it, & somehow manages to dodge one of the great little unspoken secrets (according to a coaching friend of mine); the number who injure themselves as a result of using the plan. It's not because the plan is bad, mind you, nor the personality behind it. It has more to do with a simple violation of the basic rules of exercise physiology:

Induce stress as tolerated, then rest/recover.

Increase stress in very small increments over time.

Repeat until desired outcome is achieved.

But, nobody questions the message, or the messenger. Nobody asks where the messenger learned the message they proclaim, nor do they realize things do change over time. In essence, there will be a second, third, or fourth (perhaps later!) edition of the "flavor of the week." There's the joy of being a 'good ol', one-foot-in-front-of-the-other' on the one hand, & 'keeping an eye on the latest & greatest' on the other hand kind of person. Borrow from the smart persons, because they tend to borrow from the smart persons around them, rather than state their revelation came ex nihilo (just suddenly came to them!).

So, thanks, Bob, Dale, Jack, Jerry, Mihaly, Tim, Pat...I'm glad you guys are smart.

The More You Complain...

...The Longer God Lets You Live. - Bumper Sticker

One of the first things I love/hate to do immediately after a local running event is to read the bulletin board for the local running organization. I am amused & appalled, all at the same time, by the commentaries. Traditionally these are the posts you end up seeing:

1. Looking For Results. - This person may (or may not) know the event was produced by someone other than the organization who hosts the bulletin board, & doesn't check the web site for the race management company who did time/score the race. Diagnosis: Benign lack of knowledge. Treatment: Education on who scored the event, taken every six months. Prognosis: No known cure.
2. Where's My Award? - this person couldn't stick around for the age group awards because they had to work, didn't want to spend time around a bunch of people drinking light beer at 9:30 in the morning on a Saturday, or knew if they stayed and had beer at 9:30 in the morning they would be completely useless for the remainder of the afternoon. Doesn't matter the award is a nondescript beer glass with no specific year, age or place information (I used to complain about that before, but now, as a race director I learned it's a way to keep the award costs down.), or worse, a nylon ribbon with no race information on it...they want that piece of swag; they need that piece of swag for their I Love Me wall. Diagnosis: Low-grade isolationism. Treatment: Proxy award recipient, taken as needed. Prognosis: Curable, usually by attending evening events or events where beer is not served.

3. You Timed/Scored Me Wrong. - When the individual participant's time doesn't match exactly with their Timex Ironman. I've seen some discrepancies of 10 seconds for every three minutes it takes to run a mile, on average, for which I have no clue. Sometimes I think it's human/computer interface, sometimes I think it's 50 cycles versus 60 cycles of power...again, something for which I have no clue. I once thought bandits were the reason, then I figured 'dude, there'd have to be a lot of banditry to put an ever-increasing margin of error across the board...' Of course, in my humble opinion, as long as you get my score correct (first master, first age group, second age group, whatever...) I'll can accept my own timing & overlook yours. Diagnosis: Multifactorial time-space-training continuum dysfunctionality. Treatment: Popsicle stick/three-by-five card scoring system, take for next three mid-summer races. Prognosis: Presumably non-fatal, but replacement of wanna-be professional chip with amateur chip may be needed in two years.

4. Race Organizer Done Me Wrong. - This could be something as simple as not announcing a name correctly during the awards, to a perceived slight, to not getting the right sized t-shirt...not enough beer...stale bagels...cold chicken wings...no chicken wings...and the list goes on...and on...and on... Diagnosis: Sub-acute Nominally-Anonymous Running Know-It-All Yahoo B@stard (abbreviated: "SNARKY B@stard"). Treatment: IP search, followed by clumsy bludgeoning until apology elicited.

The postings become more & more anonymous, & more inflammatory as you move further down the spectrum from 'can you help me find the results?' to 'why was so-and-so (in my humble opinion) acting like a jerk?' I haven't figured why someone with an axe to grind (all right, that's me on some occasions...) takes their frustrations out on someone in a bulletin board without having the decency to either say it constructively or to identify themselves positively.
I guess it's always more fun for the knucklehead who posts anonymously on a bulletin board to be the one who throws the grenade into the crowded conference room. Rather than saying: 'dude, this race s*cked because this wasn't done; where can I help out to make the event better next year?' they say, 'dude, this race s*cked.'

In defense of most race organizers, they're trying often to do the right thing; make certain nobody gets hurt, then make certain people have a good time...usually in that order. Usually the people who are posting derogatory, anonymous posts are a very small minority, the ones you would not mind not showing up to your next race because they'll never be happy & you'll never be able to encourage them to help out with an event...see the other side of the fence.

OH, AND BY THE WAY...

Happy 69th Birthday, Dad. I'll do 69 minutes on the treadmill in your honor tonight.

Kipling As Coach

Every so often I like to take a look at the local bulletin board postings, especially after a race, to hear what participants are asking - or complaining - about. Most of the time the questions are 'where can I find results to a race?' But every once in a blue moon a person complains about stuff that often can be resolved by either individual participants taking time to know the rules & read the fine print on the application, or by individual race directors taking the time to educate before, & enforcing on race day.

I have my own pet peeves about what should & should not be permitted on the race course, for a number of reasons usually codified in a rule book somewhere. That might be the part of me that's much like my late uncle; my mother claims I harbor a lot of his here are the rules, d*mn it, so follow them until someone in authority decides to change them point of view. If my father & my uncle had worked on the same law enforcement agency together any longer than they did, they would have made the perfect good cop, bad cop (by bad cop I mean playing by the rules 100-percent of the time) combination. My father knew letting my school friends' borderline infraction of the speed limits slide would lead to peaceable relations with their parents, many of whom were upstanding citizens in the community, business leaders, & the like. Uncle Ernie, on the other hand (bless his heart, as my wife would say), knew only one way other than the highway...the rulebook, statute or law. That was it. Suffice it to say my father probably has more friends outside of the law enforcement community than my uncle did while he was alive.

As coach, I have certain statutes & rules by which I have to abide. The national governing body under which I (voluntarily) labor says so. The other national running organization under which I voluntarily labor asks me to act in an ethical manner & work to help educate the local running community. Naturally, like every play by the book law enforcement officer & teacher, there is the feeling you're standing & shouting into the abyss. The persons who appreciate you let you know in private, the persons who would rather you stay the hell away are more likely to do it in a public manner.

My wife continues to remind me my labors are not completely in vain. That's a fortunate thing, because if I didn't hear it from her I probably would have packed it in years ago; more time to be spent with her, the d-a-w-g & the people I enjoy the most, as well as some flexibility in my own personal training schedule.

Every so often I pick up one of my college literature textbooks and thumb to a dog-eared page of poetry or two. Some times it's William Henley's Invictus when I feel the need to feel ten feet tall & bulletproof. But Rudyard Kipling's If often does the work. Kipling, with his prototypical British stiff upper lip reminds me to get up, or stay up, when the public smack talk comes a little too thick or hits a little deeper than a civil disagreement would/should:

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs & blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, yet make allowance for their doubting, too.

If you can wait & not be tired by waiting, or being lied about, don't deal in lies;

Or being hated, don't give in to hating; yet neither look too good, nor talk too wise.

If you can dream, & not make dreams your master; if you can think, & not make thoughts your aim.

If you can meet with Triumph & Disaster, yet treat those two impostors just the same.

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools;

Or watch the things you gave your life to broken & stoop to build them using worn-out tools.

If you can make a heap of all your winnings & risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, & start again at your beginnings & never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart & nerve & sinew to serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds & keep your virtue, or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; if all men count with you, but none too much,

(N.B. My wife, the English major, paraphrases the previous couplet to remind me to "care, but not too much.")

If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth & everything that's in it, and--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

So I'll head back to my corner & put some ice on the bruise. See you next round.