Under The (Needle) Gun

I've recently become a fan of two tattoo-focused programs on cable television; not a surprise to my wife, since I also enjoyed watching the three TLC tattoo-related reality series' "Miami Ink," "L.A. Ink" and N.Y. Ink."  The latest two are "Tattoo Nightmares" and "Ink Master," both of which are on the 40-something year-old, (seemingly-) male-interest-focused cable channel Spike.

My wife, to a lesser degree, also enjoys watching these programs.  She's adamant about the fact she will never get a tattoo, but I'm more than welcome to get another one when I feel compelled to expose my tender self to the ministrations (and needles) of artist and machine.  She likes the really good pieces shown on "Ink Master" and cringes as much as I when she sees the "Tattoo Nightmares" badly in need of some sort of cover-up.  I guess art, even if the skin is the canvas, is never really bad; just varying degrees of beautiful.

Art, tattooing...and running...do have a lot in common, if you take a few minutes (and a beverage of choice) to consider the similarities.

Discomfort or pain is the first quality which immediately comes to my mind.  One need only refer back to the ever-quotable Steve Prefontaine, who once said, "A race is a work of art that people can look at and be affected in as many ways they’re capable of understanding."  Anyone who has raced on the track, road, or trail; has laid out their muscle, heart and sinew as a near-daily, daily, or twice-daily offering to the racing and training gods can quickly say that the day's run or race is a willful exercise in patient suffering, in much the same manner as a client receiving ink.  Ask an artist where they gain their inspiration, and some will refer to either their own or someone else's physical or psychic pain.  Two words to anyone who might doubt this:  Frida Kahlo.

During the other week's "Ink Master" episode, one of the competing tattoo artists, Jamie Davies, was chided by the judging panel for having no tattoos (exposed or not) on his body.  The panel of three tattoo artists and one rock musician, recommended (before removing him from the competition) he receive a few tats of his own, just to know how it feels to expose skin to needle gun.  How many writers prefer to scribble in journals rather than engage in the (sometimes self-glorifying) act of writing web logs, lyricizing, or performing poetry at open microphone nights?  You might doodle in notepads and sketchbooks, or noodle on guitars, but does it mean that everything you do needs to be laid out for public scrutiny?

There are pieces I've seen people get put on their body which, when I asked them the story behind the ink, they had nothing to say.  Marines who get the eagle, globe and anchor are about the only group...okay, Ironman triathlon finishers, too...where no story really need be elicited.  Except, perhaps, that of "Parris Island or San Diego?"  Or "Which course?"  Yeah, you have that one guy who a couple of years ago said anyone who finished the 140.6 miles anywhere but Hawaii did not merit  being called an Ironman, or sitting to receive the "M-Dot" tattoo until they did.  But he's an army of one in that particular war.

A tattoo, especially a nice one, usually leads me to first ask the story behind the tattoo, then the name or location of the tattoo artist.  If the story isn't compelling - and most of the really good pieces I've seen have one (it usually means the person wants to remember or communicate something special to them) - it doesn't matter who inked you.

But I go back to what we might call the "Jamie Davies Syndrome" when it comes to training and/or coaching.  First, and most important to me as a coach, is to ask an athlete who wants to do a particular event, especially if they're on the verge of entering uncharted territory (like an IM70.3 event when they haven't done a lot of long-distance stuff, or attempting a marathon straight-off-the-couch) "is there a compelling reason to do this event?"  They need to understand the degree of pain and discomfort (physical, psychological, social and emotional) involved to make it to completion.  Good-looking multicolored tattoos which take up half a thigh or shoulder and impress the daylights out of the public will have you sitting on the business end of one or more needles for a few hours.  Marathoners look at my "credentials" as a runner, rather than the outcomes of my athletes, and get a little bit cross-eyed.  My failures as a coach have come from the trial-and-error of other plans on myself; not unlike letting someone else run a gun over my flesh.  A good coach is one who knows and understands the pain you're going to go through, and, most importantly, won't let you go too much of the pain in training.

Don't let the regret of a bad training experience get in the way of a potentially good "story."

It Does Not Follow

Often I have too much time on my hands, which provides opportunities to ponder things I hear or see in the media. Usually, what I end up feeling when it is all said & done, is a sense my fellow man is more inept, gullible, or stupid than I previously feared. Of course, there are many occasions when I feel like Walt Kelly's Pogo, & have little else to say but the semi-classic: 'we have met the enemy and he is us.'

Some people feel as though making a change in one area of their life is going to positively change a completely unrelated area, say, by releasing a number of employees at a satellite office, or selling a home/office during a housing slump...or, better yet, increasing the amount of red tape & waste efforts needed to accomplish a necessary work function. Oh, how about telling a supplier they will have to accept payment for their goods/services in a certain way? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Oscar?

Athletes do the same thing, too. All of the time. 'If increasing from 20 to 40 miles per week drops my 5,000 meter time by one minute, then increasing from 40 to 60 should drop my time another 30 seconds.' Doesn't quite work that way. Quality, as well as relevance to outcome, is the key to personal improvement.
As some of us age it becomes more of a challenge to see clearly. I've been wearing eyeglasses for everything but athletics since I was in my mid-teens...so that's three decades of being stuck with the suckers. Of course, when you participate in athletics, or spend a good amount of time in bright light (for Florida residents, that's nearly all year) it's almost de rigeur to have a good pair of sunglasses.
Those of us with weak vision have a Hobson's choice (for those unfamiliar, that means all of your choices pretty much s*ck):
1. Spend money on prescription sunglasses which look more like Clark Kent specials. We affectionately called these birth control glasses when I was in the Air Force.

2. Spend more money on sunglasses which have prescription lenses fitted in, like Rudy Project or Bolle' products.

3. Spend decent money on sport-focused sunglasses, and,

3.a. Wear contact lenses, or

3.b. Go without vision correction.

Tri-geeks have it even worse, because of the goggle issue. If you're fortunate to have your prescription fall within an even or half-diopter, there are fairly inexpensive goggle implants or prescription goggles available from a couple of companies. I have it worse than the average bear, because of astigmatism; making my prescription very screwy & falling in between a half/whole diopter. Toric contact lenses are my only option...but I choose to suck it up and follow the person (really, all of the persons) in front of me on the swim.

Oh, here's a new one which makes me feel more stoopid. Hyundai, the Korean car maker, as come out with an advertising campaign to try & boost sales of their product. While other car makers have promised the sun, moon & stars to get you into their vehicle, Hyundai promises to make it easy for you to get out of it, should your cash flow suddenly become a problem.
Hyunday promises to allow buyers to return their car within the first year in the event of job loss. Once again, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Oscar? If I lose my job & have no income, therefore have no ability to pay my car payment, I'm certain every car maker is going to take my car back, no questions asked.

World Dominance Thwarted By Lack Of Thumbs

(Editor's note: Lengthy period of silence placed here.)

There was an article about three months ago; some researcher had developed a means of understanding dog barks with a certain degree of accuracy. I am not buying it. If anyone tells me they can tell what my dog is saying when he barks, I'm going to offer them another beer and then kick them out the door. Well, edit that...I'm going to keep the beer.
There are days when I feel like I can tell exactly what my dog is thinking about...then there are days when I can narrow it down to three things: food, walks, and space on the couch. However, IMHO it's gazing through a glass darkly. If Rubin had opposable thumbs and human speech, however, the world would be a much more dangerous place...I know he's try to take over as supreme ruler and stern, unwavering-but-beneficient master of the world as soon as he could. I can see it in his eyes, especially when I've informed him there are no dog biscuits available and he will have to suck it up and drive on.

Res Ipsa Loquitur.

My American Express bill came in yesterday afternoon, or at least the dispute notification I lost. That's going to take care of my stimulus check. Well, I'll have enough left to buy a round of beer when we go to the Crescent City Classic in New Orleans. My friend mentioned the other weekend about beer mileage; I guess the average American beer, 12-ounces, has 82 calories...which is (at the least) equal to the number of calories an adult burns running a mile. So, she thinks, a 6.2-mile race warrants the consumption of a six-pack of beer. Wow, that means a marathon is worth (at least) a case.

Yeah, I know it's not a healthy point of view for an athlete. If you do something foolish once every six months it's not so bad. Just make certain one foolish thing (like a beer mile, or rehydrating with a beer for each mile you ran) is not compounded with another, like driving a car or operating heavy machinery. While there aren't many of us who will run a 5K, slug down too many beers and then think hey, perhaps I should cut down that dead tree in the backyard, there are folks who would do exactly that. I know. I usually get to read the synopsis of their accident report each Friday. Makes ya shudder to think.